If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
