I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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