dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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