Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
accomplished twins. life is a go
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
