This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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