dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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