i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize