I feel like abortions should bother me more
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
