Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize