trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
