You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Randomize
