The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
