Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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