I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
