You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just found puke in my bra..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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