Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
