dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
