She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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