Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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