no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize