Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
