I need to stop coming to work sober
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
