He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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