I heard we made out
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
