Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
