I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i drank out of a bidet.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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