He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
