I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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