I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
