So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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