just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize