apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
