i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
