So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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