if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize