I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
