hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
