Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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