I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
