Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize