Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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