My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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