remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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