So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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