This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
