The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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