i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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