dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
