I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
