drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
