u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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