Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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