I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
