I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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