After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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