He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
