Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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