I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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