i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
