No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
