All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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