Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
