Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize