how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
