census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
