one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
