I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
