90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
