I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
