Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize