My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
