hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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