On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
