I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
