why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
