I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize