I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
