I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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