If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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