Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
