life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
