Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
