Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
