This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
