clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
