if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
