Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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