Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
