This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I skipped work to stalk him.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
