Farmville is her only friend.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
