i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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