batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
