I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
