so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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