my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
