Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
