Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
