all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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