so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
