I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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