Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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