Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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