shes about as inviting as chlamydia
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
